Story Of The Two Lack-Tacts Of Cairo And Damascus.

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A Thousand Nights and One Night

The Eight Hundred and Thirty sixth Night

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Whilome in Cairo city there was a man famed as a Lack-tact and another in Damascus was celebrated for the like quality. Each had heard of his compeer and longed to forgather with him and sundry folk said to the Syrian, "truly the Lack-tact of Egypt is sharper than you and a cleverer physiognomist and more intelligent, and more penetrating, and much better company; also he excells you in debate proving the superiority of his lack of tact." Whereto the Damascene would reply, "No, By God, I am more tasteful in my lack of tact than that Cairene;" but his people did not stop to bespeak him in this way until his heart was filled full of their words; so one day of the days he cried, "By God, there is no help for it but I fare for Cairo

Story of the Two Lack-Tacts. 327 and forgather with her Lack-tact." Hereupon he journeyed from Damascus and did not stop wayfaring till he reached Cairo. The time was about set of sun and the first who met him on the road was a woman; so he asked concerning certain of the highways of the city and she answered, "What a Lack-tact you must be to put such a question at such an hour! Whoever enters a strange place in the morning enquirs about its highways, but whoever enters at eventide asks about its caravanserai in which he may night." "truth you say," rejoined he, "but my lack of tact has weakened my wits." He then sought news of the Khans and they showed him one whereto he repaired and passed the night; and in the morning Then her sister Dunyazad said, "How sweet and tasteful is your tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" She said, "And where is this compared with what I would relate to you on the coming night if the Sovran permits me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Eight Hundred and Thirty seventh Night

Dunyazad said to her, "In God's name, O my sister, If you be other than sleepy, finish for us your tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It has reached me, the director, the right guiding, lord of the counsel which is benefiting and of deeds fair seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Lack-tact of Damascus passed the night in the Wakálah and in the morning he went forth and wandered about the highways of Cairo questing her Lack-tact; and, when they informed him of his rival's whereabouts, he forgathered with him and was received with an honourable reception and was welcomed and kindly entreated and comfortably seated that the twain might talk over the news of the world. Presently, the Lack-tact of Damascus to the Lack-tact of Cairo said, "I would that we two test each other's quality by playing a prank in turn; and whoever shall be preferred by the testimony of the general, he shall lord it over his rival." The Cairene asked,

"Which of us shall begin?" and the Damascene answered, "I," whereto the other rejoined, "Do whatever you wiliest."

So the Syrian went forth and hired him an ass which he drove out of the city to a neighbouring clump of Ausaj bushes and other thorns whereof he cut down a donkey load, and setting the net full upon the beast's back returned to the city. He then made for the Báb al-Nasr, but he could not enter for the crowding of the folk frequenting it and the Cairene was gladdened by his doings: so the man did not stop standing there with his ass and load of thorns till morn was near, when he lost his temper and urged his beast close up to the gate. By so doing all the garments of the wayfarers which were caught by the Ausaj thorns were torn to rags and tatters, and some of the people beat him and others buffetted him and others shoved him about saying, "What a superior Lack-tact you are! Allah ruin your natal realm! You have torn folk's dress to rags and tatters with that load of thorns." Still he drave his donkey onwards albeit the people cried to him, "O man, withdraw you, the passengers are all jammed at the gate;" but he would not retire and those present dealt him more blows and abuse. at this he only cried, "Let me pass through!" And pushed on by which he obtained a severer beating. This lasted till mid afternoon, for he could on nowise enter by reason of the crush at the Báb al-Nasr; but about sundown the crowd thinned and so he drove on his ass and passed the gate. Then to him the Cairene said, "What is this you have done? This is mere horseplay and not lack of tact."

Now on the morning of the next day the Lack-tact of Cairo was required to play his prank even as the Damascene had done; so he rose up and girded his loins and tucked up his sleeves and took up a tray Then her sister Dunyazad said, "How sweet and tasteful is your tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" She said, "And where is this compared with what I would relate to you on the coming night if the Sovran permits me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night, and that was

Story of the Two Lack-Tacts. 329

The Eight Hundred and Thirty eighth Night

Then he went out tray on head, and foregoing the Damascene to a flower garden he gathered a bundle of blooms and sweet scented herbs, pinks and roses and basil and pennyroyal and marjoram and other such, until the tray was filled, after which he turned to town. About noontide he repaired to one of the Cathedral mosques and entered the lavatory, around which were some fifteen privies: so he stood In the very middle of the floor considering the folk as they entered the jakes to do their jobs in private lest the bazar people come upon them during their easement. And all were sore pressed wanting to pass urine or to skite; so whenever a man entered the place in a hurry he would draw the door to. Then the Lack-tact of Cairo would pull the door open, and go in to him carrying a posy of perfumed herbs, and would say, "Your favour! O my brother," and the man would shout out saying, "Allah ruin your natal realm, are we at skite or at feast?" at which all standing there would laugh at him. Suddenly one rushed into the lavatory sore pressed and hanging an arse and crying aloud in his grievous distress, "O Allah, O His Prophet, aid me!" For that he feared to let fly in his bag trousers. Then the Lack-tact would accost him holding in hand his posy of perfumed herbs, and softly saying, "Bismillah—take it, and give me your favour;" and the man would roar at the top of his voice, "Allah disappoint you! What a Lack-tact you are: I am sore pressed; get you out." And the further that man would fare away from him the closer he would follow him saying, "Your favour! Take it! Smell it!"

Now at that time all the cabinets of easement were full of people, nor did one remain vacant, and the distressed man stood there expecting someone to issue that he might enter; but in his condition the delay was overlong Then her sister Dunyazad said, "How sweet and tasteful is your tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" She said, "And where is this compared with what I would relate to you on the coming night if the Sovran permits me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Eight Hundred and Thirty ninth Night

Dunyazad said to her, "In God's name, O my sister, If you be other than sleepy, finish for us your tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It has reached me, the director, the right guiding, lord of the counsel which is benefiting and of deeds fair seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Cairene Lack-tact kept bespeaking that sorely distressed man and following him as he fled, crying out to him and saying, "Away from me, am I not this moment about to skite or am I at a feast?" till at last the excess of weight in his arse gut caused him to let fly in his bag trousers and bewray all his behind. And during this time none came out of the jakes, so the unhappy sat in his unease and all the folk seeing him conskite himself fell to laughing at him as he sat there, and the Lack-tact of Cairo continued offering him the posy, saying, "Your favour!" And the other continued shouting his loudest, "Am I at skite or at a feast?" Thereupon the Lack-tact of Damascus turned to his rival and cried, "The Fátihah is in your books, O Chief Joker of Cairo. By God (and the Almighty grant you length of life!) you have excelled me

Story of the Two Lack-Tacts. 331 in everything, and they truly say that none can surpass or overcome the Cairene and men have agreed to declare that the Syrian winns his wish and gains only blame, while the Egyptian winns not his wish and gains thanks and praise." And amongst other things it happened that a Cairene went to borrow a donkey from another man, a Damascene, wishing to ride it to a wedding, and when he met his friend he saluted him and said, "Ho Such an one, lend me yours ass for such a purpose."

Now when the owner of the animal heard these words he smote hand upon hand and cried, "O worshipper of Allah, a little while before you came to me, a man urgently asked it of me and took it on loan: had you been somewhat earlier I would have lent it to you. truly I am put to shame by you as you go from me without your need." The Egyptian said in his mind, "By God, this one speaks truth, and had the donkey been in his house assuredly he would have lent it to me." But the owner of the animal said to himself, "Certainly Such an one begged it of me, but the rest is a lie, for the beast is shut up in the stable." However the Syrian who owned the beast went to his gossip, the man who had begged a loan of it, and entering the house salam'd to him and said, "Give me the donkey, O Such an one;"

Then her sister Dunyazad said, "How sweet and tasteful is your tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" She said, "And where is this compared with what I would relate to you on the coming night if the Sovran permits me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Eight Hundred and Forties Night

So the Syrian went from him saying in himself, "Allah disappoint this fellow, why did he not give me the ass at first and then he had not had occasion to abuse and curse himself and to revile me also." But they say and say truly, "The Syrian winns his wish, but gains only blame while the Egyptian winns not his wish and gains thanks and praise!"

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Story Of The Youth Who Would Futter His Father's Wives.

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