The Kazi Schooled By His Wife.

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A Thousand Nights and One Night

The Seven Hundred and Eighty first Night

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It is related of a man which was a Kazi that he had a wife of the virtuous and the righteous and of the charitable and the pitiful to the orphan and the pauper; and the same was beautiful exceedingly. Her husband held and was certified anent womankind that all and every were like unto his spouse; so that when any male masculant came into his court complaining about his rib he would deliver his decision that the man was a wrong doer and that the woman was wronged. On such wise he did because he saw that his wife was the pink of perfection and he opined that the whole of her sex resembled her,

The Kazi Schooled by His Wife. 259 and he knew nothing of the wickedness and debauchery of the genus and their sorcery and their contrariety and the cunning contrivance wherewith they work upon men's wits. He abode all careless of such matters, in consequence of the virtues of his spouse, until one chance day of the days when suddenly a man came to him with a grievance about his better half and showed how he had been evil entreated by her and how her misconduct was manifest and public. But when the man laid his case before the Kazi and enlarged upon his charge, the Judge determined that he was in tort and that his wife was in the right; so the complainant went forth the court as one deaf and blind who could neither hear nor see. Moreover he was perplexed as to his affair, unknowing what he should do in the matter of his helpmate and Why the Kazi had determined contrary to justice that he had ill used his spouse. Now as to the Kazi's wife none could forgather with her; so the plaintiff was distraught and confounded when he was met unexpectedly on the way by one who asked him, "What may be your case, O certain person, and how has it befallen you with the Kazi in the matter of your rib?" "He has given sentence," the man said, "that I am the wrong doer and that she is the wronged, and I know not how I shall act."

Whereupon the other said, "Return and take your station close by the entrance to the Judge's Harem and yourself under the protection of its inmates." The man did as his friend advised him and knocked, when a handmaiden came out and he said to her, "O Damsel, 'tis my desire that you send me here your lady, so I may bespeak her with a single word." She went in and informed her mistress who rose and humoured him, and standing veiled behind the door asked, "What is to do with you, O man?" "O my lady," he said, "I place myself under your ward and yours honour, so you enable me to get justice of my wife and overcome her and prevail over her, for in very deed she has wronged me and disgraced me. I came to complain of her illconduct before His Honour our lord the Kazi, yet he has determined that I am the wrong doer and have injured her while she is the wronged. I know not what I shall do with him, and sundry of the folk have informed me that you are of the beneficent; so I require that you charge for me the Judge to deliver according to Holy Law his decree between me and my mate." she said, "Go you and take your rest, nor do you return to him until he shall have sent after you, and fear not anything from him at all." "Allah increase your weal, O my lady," he said and he left her and went about his business pondering his case and saying to himself in mind, "Oh would Heaven I know whether the Kazi's wife will protect me and deliver me from this fornicatress, this adulteress, who has outraged me and carried away my good and driven me forth from her."

Now when it was night tide and the Judge was at leisure from his commandments, he went into his Harem, and it was his wife's custom whenever he returned home to meet him at the middle doorway. But as on that occasion she failed so to do, he walked into the apartment in which she woned and found her at prayers; then he recalled to mind the contention of the man who had come to him with a grievance against his spouse Then her sister Dunyazad said, "How sweet and tasteful is your tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" She said, "And where is this compared with what I would relate to you on the coming night if the Sovran permits me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Seven Hundred and Eighty third Night

The Kazi Schooled by His Wife. 261 served him and set before him, she and her handmaidens, the tray of food and she sat down at meat with him as was her wont. Now amongst the dishes was a charger containing two chickens, so she said to her husband, "By God, O my lord, do you buy for us tomorrow a couple of geese that I may let stuff them, for my heart is set upon eating of their meat." He said, "O my lady, tomorrow (God willing! If it be the will of the Almighty) I will send to the Bazar and let buy for you two geese of the biggest and the fattest and the Eunuchs shall slaughter them and you will use them as you will." Accordingly, at dawn tide the Judge sent to buy two plump birds and bade the Eunuchs cut their throats and the handmaidens gutted them and stuffed them and cooked them with rice over and above the usual food. Thereupon the Kazi's wife arose and proceeded to work her contrivance. She had bought two sparrows which the hunter had trapped; and she bade kill and dress them and place them upon the rice instead of the geese and awaited the even tide when her husband would return to supper. Then they spread the tables whereupon was placed a covered platter under which he supposed stood the geese; so he took it off and behold, he found the two sparrows. at this he was perplext and said to his wife, "Allaho Akbar—God is most Great—where be the geese?" and she said to him, "whatever you brought here it be before you upon the dish." "These be two sparrows," he said and she said, "I know not."

So the Judge arose displeased with his wife and going to her home fetched her father and as she saw him coming, she stood up and whipping off the two small birds placed the big ones in their stead; and he uncovered the plate and found the geese. So he said to his son in law, "You declarest that these be sparrows but indeed they are geese;" for he also was deceived and went forth in displeasure with the Judge, after which the Kazi followed in his footstep and soothed him and invited him to meat but he would not return with him. Hereupon the husband padlocked the door but, before he had entered, the wife had substituted the birdies for the big birds and when her mate sat down to meat and would glad have eaten he uncovered the platter and beheld the two sparrows. Seeing this he was like to go out of his mind and he cried aloud, "Walláhi! Indeed this be a portentous calamity," and he went forth, trotting in his haste, until he met his father in law upon the way. Then he cried upon him and said, "Come and look at the two geese which were in the platter." "Why?" asked the other and answered he, "Because I found them changed to two sparrows."

Hereupon the father returned with him to the house and walked up to the table from where the lady, during her husband's absence, had removed the birdies and replaced the birds in lieu of them. So the father took off the cover and finding before him the pair of geese said to his son in law, "Be these two geese? consider them well whether they be sparrows or not." "Two geese," said the other and said the sire, "Then why do you come to me a second and a several time and bring me here and complain of my daughter?" Hereupon he left him and went forth an angered and the Judge came up with him at the doorway and soothed him and conjured him to return. Meanwhile the lady arose and whipping off the geese set the two birdies in lieu of it and covered them up; and as soon as the Kazi returned and sat down to meat he removed the cover from the platter and found the two sparrows. at this he shrieked aloud and arose and went forth the door and cried, "Ho Moslems, come you to my help!"

Now when the people of the quarter heard the outcry, they gathered together about the house, when the lady seized the occasion to carry off the two birdies and to set in lieu of them the two geese. Asked they, "What is to do with you, O our lord the Kazi, and what has befallen you?" and he answered, "I bought two geese for our supper and now I find them turned into two sparrows;" and so saying he led the Notables of the quarter into his house and showed them the dish. They uncovered it and found within it two geese, so they exclaimed, "These be two geese which you callest sparrows;" and so saying they left him and went their ways. He followed them making excuses and was absent for a while, when his wife took the birds and set the birdies in place of them and when the Kazi returned and proceeded to sit down at meat he uncovered the platter and behold, thereon stood the two sparrows. So he smote hand upon hand crying, "These be two sparrows without doubt or hesitation;"

The Kazi Schooled by His Wife. 263 at which his wife arose and called out with a loud voice, "O you Moslems, help you a Moslemah."

So the folk ran to her aidance and he asked saying, "What is to do, O our lady?" and she answered, "truly my calamity is grievous and there is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great. My husband the Kazi has gone Jinn mad and do you of your grace and benevolence lay hold of him and carry him to the Máristán."

Then her sister Dunyazad said, "How sweet and tasteful is your tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" She said, "And where is this compared with what I would relate to you on the coming night if the Sovran permits me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Seven Hundred and Eighty fifth Night

Dunyazad said to her, "In God's name, O my sister, If you be other than sleepy, finish for us your tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It has reached me, the director, the right guiding, lord of the counsel which is benefiting and of deeds fair seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Judge's wife cried upon the folk of the quarter, "Do you of your grace and benevolence to us seize the Kazi and carry him to the Máristán that they may confine him within it until he return to his reason and regain his right mind." Hereupon they laid hands upon him and bore him to the Bedlam and imprisoned him within it amongst the maniacs, and it was certified to all the folk that their Kazi had been suddenly struck by insanity and that they had confined him in the madhouse. Now all this was of the cunning contrivance of his wife, that she might make manifest to him concerning womankind how none of mankind can prevail over them. But after the lapse of three days which the Judge passed in the Bedlam, his wife went in to him bringing a something of food and set meat before him and asked him saying, "What was it you found on the platter?"

Answered he, "Two sparrows," and continued she, "Recover your senses and your right mind and see here am I who have made you out mad for your confusion between two geese and two sparrows. Now whenever any man comes to you complaining of his wife (and you unknowing anything of the couple and of their circumstances), you determinest that the male is the evil doer and as well you know not that women are often the worst of wrongers and that men are sorely wronged by them. And in the matter now in hand, the whole of the folk declare that the Kazi is a wrong doer to his wife, and no one knows that you are really the wronged and I the wronger. Indeed truth did he say who said, 'Alas for those who be gaoled wrongfully!' So do you never decide anything you know not. However, you have approved to yourself that I am true and loyal to you and you make all the folk like one to other, but this is a sore injury to some. In the present case do you send for the man who is wronged and let bring him to your presence and bid his wife be also present and do him justice of her."

After this she removed her husband from the Máristán and went her ways, and the Kazi did with the man as his lady had charged him do and whenever a plaintiff came before him with a grievance against his wife he would decide that the man was the wronged and the woman was the wronger, and he did not stop doing in this way for a while of time. And now (Said Shahrazad) I will relate to you another history of womankind and this is the tale of

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The Woman Who Humoured Her Lover At Her Husband's Expense.

The Merchant's Daughter And The Prince Of Al-Irak.