One of the never do wells found himself one fine morning without anything and the world was straitened upon him and patience failed him; so he lay down to sleep and did not stop slumbering till the sun stang him and the foam came out upon his mouth, whereupon he arose, and he was penniless and had not even so much as a single dirham. Presently, he arrived at the shop of a Cook, who had set his pots and pans over the fire and washed his saucers and wiped his scales and swept his shop and sprinkled it; and indeed his fats and oils were clear and clarified and his spices fragrant and he himself stood behind his cooking pots ready to serve customers. So the Larrikin, whose wits had been sharpened by hunger, went in to him and saluting him, said to him, "Weigh me half a dirham's worth of meat and a quarter of a dirham's worth of boiled grain and the like of bread." So the Kitchener weighed it out to him and the good for nothing entered the shop, whereupon the man set the food before him and he ate till he had gobbled up the whole and licked

Story Of The Larrikin And The Cook. 5 the saucers and sat perplexed, knowing not how he should do with the Cook concerning the price of that he had eaten, and turning his eyes about upon everything in the shop; and as he looked, behold, he caught sight of an earthen pan lying arsy versy upon its mouth; so he raised it from the ground and found under it a horse's tail, freshly cut off and the blood oozing from it; by which he knew that the Cook adulterated his meat with horseflesh. When he discovered this default, he rejoiced within it and washing his hands, bowed his head and went out; and when the Kitchener saw that he went and gave him nothing, he cried out, saying, "Stay, O pest, O burglar!" So the Larrikin stopped and said to him, "Do you cry out upon me and call to me with these words, O cornute?" at which the Cook was angry and coming down from the shop, cried, "What meanest you by your speech, O low fellow, you that devourest meat and millet and bread and kitchen and go forth with ‘the Peace be on you!' as it were the thing had not been, and payest down nothing for it?" the Lackpenny, said, "You lie, O accursed son of a cuckold!"

Whereupon the Cook cried out and laying hold of his debtor's collar, said, "O Moslems, this fellow is my first customer this day and he has eaten my food and given me nothing." So the folk gathered about them and blamed the never do well and said to him, "Give him the price of that which you have eaten." He said, "I gave him a dirham before I entered the shop;" and the Cook, said, "Be everything I sell this day forbidden to me, if he gave me so much as the name of a coin! By God, he gave me nothing, but ate my food and went out and would have made off, without anything said." Answered the Larrikin, "I gave you a dirham," and he reviled the Kitchener, who returned his abuse; whereupon he dealt him a buffet and they gripped and grappled and throttled each other. When the folk saw them fighting, they came up to them and asked them, "What is this strife between you, and no cause for it?" and the Lackpenny answered, "Ay, By God, but there is a cause for it, and the cause has a tail!" Whereupon, cried the Cook, "Yea, By God, now you mindest me of yourself and your dirham! Yes, he gave me a dirham and but a quarter of the coin is spent. Come back and take the rest of the price of your dirham."

For he understood what was to do, at the mention of the tail; "and I, O my brother" (added Abu al-Hasan), "my story has a cause, which I will tell you." The Caliph laughed at his speech and said, "By God, this is none other than a pleasant tale! Tell me your story and the cause." Replied the host, "With love and gladly! Know, O my lord, that my name is Abu al-Hasan al-Khalí'a and that my father died and left me abundant wealth, of which I made two parts. One I laid up and with the other I betook myself to enjoying the pleasures of friendship and conviviality and consorting with intimates and boon companions and with the sons of the merchants, nor did I leave one but I caroused with him and he with me, and I lavished all my money on comrades and good cheer, till there remained with me nothing; whereupon I betook myself to the friends and fellow topers upon whom I had wasted my wealth, so perhaps they might provide for my case; but, when I visited them and went round about to them all, I found no vantage in one of them, nor would any so much as break a bittock of bread in my face.

So I wept for myself and repairing to my mother, complained to her of my case. She said: ‘Such are friends; If you have anything, they frequent you and devour you, but, If you have nothing, they cast you off and chase you away.' Then I brought out the other half of my money and bound myself by an oath that I would never more entertain any save one single night, after which I would never again salute him nor notice him; hence my saying to you: 'Far be it, alas! That what is past should again come to pass, for I will never again company with you after this night.'" When the Commander of the Faithful heard this, he laughed a loud laugh and said, "By God, O my brother, you are indeed excused in this matter, now that I know the cause and that the cause has a tail. Nevertheless, God willing, I will not sever myself from you." Replied Abu al-Hasan, "O my guest, did I not say to you, 'Far be it, alas! That what is past should again come to pass? For indeed I will never again foregather with any!"' Then the Caliph rose and the host set before him a dish of roast goose and a bannock of first bread and sitting down, fell to cutting off morsels and morselling the Caliph therewith. They gave not over eating till

The Sleeper And The Waker. 7 they were filled, when Abu al-Hasan brought basin and ewer and potash and they washed their hands. Then he lighted three grow candies and three lamps, and spreading the drinking cloth, brought strained wine, clear, old and fragrant, whose scent was as that of virgin musk. He filled the first cup and saying, "O my boon companion, be ceremony laid aside between us by your leave! Your slave is by you; may I not be afflicted with your loss!" Drank it off and filled a second cup, which he handed to the Caliph with due reverence. His fashion pleased the Commander of the Faithful, and the goodliness of his speech and he said to himself, "By God, I will assuredly requite him for this!" Then Abu al-Hasan filled the cup again and handed it to the Caliph, reciting these two couplets

"Had we your coming known, we would for sacrifice Have poured you out heart's blood or blackness of the eyes; Ay, and we would have spread our bosoms in your way, That so your feet might fare on eyelids, carpet wise."

When the Caliph heard his verses, he took the cup from his hand and kissed it and drank it off and returned it to Abu al-Hasan, who make him an obeisance and filled and drank. Then he filled again and kissing the cup thrice, recited these lines:

"Your presence honours the base, And we confess the deed of grace; An you absent yourself from us, No freke we find to fill your place."

Then he gave the cup to the Caliph, saying, "Drink it in health and soundness! It does away malady and brings remedy and setts the runnels of health to flow free." So they did not stop carousing and conversing till middle night, when the Caliph said to his host, "O my brother, have you in your heart a concupiscence you would have accomplished or a contingency you would avert?" he said, "By God, there is no regret in my heart save that I am not empowered with bidding and forbidding, so I might manage what is in my mind!" The Commander of the Faithful, said, "By God, and again By God, O my brother, tell me what is in your mind!" And Abu al-Hasan, said, "Would Heaven I might be Caliph for one day and avenge myself on my neighbours, for that in my vicinity is a mosque and within it four shaykhs, who hold it a grievance when there comes a guest to me, and they trouble me with talk and worry me in words and menace me that they will complain of me to the Prince of True Believers, and indeed they oppress me exceedingly, and I crave of Allah the Most High power for one day, that I may beat each and every of them with four hundred lashes, as well as the Imam of the mosque, and parade them round about the city of Baghdad and bid cry before them: ‘This is the reward and the least of the reward of whoever exceeds in talk and vexes the folk and turns their joy to annoy.'

This is what I wish, and no more." Said the Caliph, "Allah grant you that you seek! Let us crack one last cup and rise before the dawn draw near, and tomorrow night I will be with you again." Abu al-Hasan said, "Far be it!" Then the Caliph crowned a cup, and putting within it a piece of Cretan Bhang, gave it to his host and said to him, "My life on you, O my brother, drink this cup from my hand!" And Abu al-Hasan answered, "Ay, by your life, I will drink it from your hand." So he took it and drank it off; but hardly had it settled in his stomach, when his head forewent his heels and he fell to the ground like one slain; whereupon the Caliph went out and said to his slave Masrur, "Go in to that young man, the housemaster, and take him up and bring him to me at the palace; and when you go out, shut the door." So saying, he went away, whilst Masrur entered, and taking up Abu al-Hasan, shut the door behind him, and made after his master, till he reached with him the palace what while the night drew to an end and the cocks began crowing, and set him down before the Commander of the Faithful, who laughed at him. Then he sent for Ja'afar the Barmecide and when he came before him, said to him, "Note you that young man" (pointing to Abu al-Hasan), "and when you will see him tomorrow seated in my place

The Sleeper And The Waker. 9 of estate and on the throne of my Caliphate and clad in my royal clothing, stand you in attendance upon him and enjoin the Emirs and Grandees and the folk of my household and the officers of my realm to be upon their feet, as in his service and obey him in whatever he shall bid them do; and you, if he speak to you of anything, do it and hearken unto his say and gainsay him not in anything during this coming day." Ja'afar acknowledged the order with "I hear and I obey" and withdrew, whilst the Prince of True Believers went in to the palace women, who came up to him, and he said to them, "When this sleeper shall awake tomorrow, kiss you the ground between his hands, and do you wait upon him and gather round about him and clothe him in the royal clothing and serve him with the service of the Caliphate and deny not anything of his estate, but say to him, 'You are the Caliph."' Then he taught them what they should say to him and how they should do with him and withdrawing to a retired room, let down a curtain before himself and slept. Thus fared it with the Caliph; but as regards Abu al-Hasan, he gave not over snoring in his sleep till the day brake clear, and the rising of the sun drew near, when a woman in waiting came up to him and said to him, "O our lord, the morning prayer!"

Hearing these words he laughed and opening his eyes, turned them about the palace and found himself in an apartment whose walls were painted with gold and lapis lazuli and its ceiling dotted and starred with red gold. Around it were sleeping chambers, with curtains of gold embroidered silk let down over their doors, and all about vessels of gold and porcelain and crystal and furniture and carpets dispread and lamps burning before the niche in which men prayed, and slave girls and eunuchs and Mamelukes and black slaves and boys and pages and attendants. When he saw this he was bewildered in his wit and said, "By God, either

I am dreaming a dream, or this is Paradise and the Abode of Peace!" And he shut his eyes and would have slept again. one of the eunuchs, said, "O my lord, this is not of your wont, O Commander of the Faithful!" Then the rest of the handmaids of the palace came up to him and lifted him into a sitting posture, when he found himself upon a mattrass raised a cubit's height from the ground and all stuffed with floss silk. So they seated him upon it and propped his elbow with a pillow, and he looked at the apartment and its vastness and saw those eunuchs and slave girls in attendance upon him and standing about his head, whereupon he laughed at himself and said, "By God, 'tis not as I were on wake, yet I am not asleep!" And in his perplexity he bowed his chin upon his bosom and then opened his eyes, little by little, smiling and saying, "What is this state in which I find myself?" Then he arose and sat up, whilst the damsels laughed at him privily; and he was bewildered in his wit, and bit his finger; and as the bite pained him, he cried, "Oh!" and was vexed; and the Caliph watched him, from where he saw him not, and laughed. Presently, Abu al-Hasan turned to a damsel and called to her; whereupon she answered, "At your service, O Prince of True Believers!"

He said, "what is your name?" and She said, "Shajarat al-Durr." Then he said to her, "By the protection of Allah, O damsel, am I Commander of the Faithful?" She replied, "Yes, indeed, by the protection of Allah you in this time art Commander of the Faithful." He said, "By God, you lie, O thousandfold whore!" Then he glanced at the Chief Eunuch and called to him, whereupon he came to him and kissing the ground before him, said, "Yes, O Commander of the Faithful." Asked Abu al-Hasan, "Who is Commander of the Faithful?" and the Eunuch answered, "You." And Abu al-Hasan said, "You lie, thousandfold he whore that you are!" Then he turned to another eunuch and said to him, "O my chief, by the protection of Allah, am I Prince of the True Believers?" he said, "Ay, By God, O my lord, you are in this time Commander of the Faithful and Viceregent

The Sleeper And The Waker. 11 of the Lord of the three Worlds." Abu al-Hasan laughed at himself and doubted of his reason and was bewildered at what he beheld, and said, "In one night do I become Caliph? Yesterday I was Abu al-Hasan the Wag, and today I am Commander of the Faithful." Then the Chief Eunuch came up to him and said, "O Prince of True Believers (the name of Allah encompass you!), you are indeed Commander of the Faithful and Viceregent of the Lord of the three Worlds!" And the slave girls and eunuchs flocked round about him, till he arose and abode wondering at his case. Here upon the Eunuch brought him a pair of sandals wrought with raw silk and green silk and purfled with red gold, and he took them and after examining them set them in his sleeve; at which the Castrato cried out and said, "Allah! Allah! O my lord, these are sandals for the treading of your feet, so you may go to the wardrobe." Abu al-Hasan was confounded, and shaking the sandals from his sleeve, put them on his feet, whilst the Caliph died of laughter at him. The slave forewent him to the chapel of ease, where he entered and doing his job, came out into the chamber, whereupon the slave girls brought him a basin of gold and an ewer of silver and poured water on his hands and he made the Wuzú ablution. Then they spread him a prayer carpet and he prayed. Now he knew not how to pray and gave not over bowing and prostrating for twenty inclinations, pondering in himself the while and saying, "By God, I am none other than the Commander of the Faithful in very truth! This is assuredly no dream, for all these things happen not in a dream." And he was convinced and determined in himself that he was Prince of True Believers; so he pronounced the Salám and finished his prayers;

whereupon the Mamelukes and slave girls came round about him with bundled suits of silken and linen stuffs and clad him in the costume of the Caliphate and gave the royal dagger in his hand. Then the Chief Eunuch came in and said, "O Prince of True Believers, the Chamberlain is at the door craving permission to enter." he said, "Let him enter!" Whereupon he came in and after kissing ground offered the salutation, "Peace be upon you, O Commander of the Faithful!" At this Abu al-Hasan rose and descended from the couch to the floor; whereupon the official exclaimed, "Allah! Allah! O Prince of True Believers, know you not that all men are your subjects and under your rule and that it is not meet for the Caliph to rise to any man?" Presently, the Eunuch went out before him and the little white slaves behind him, and they did not stop going till they raised the curtain and brought him into the hall of judgment and the throne room of the Caliphate. There he saw the curtains and the forty doors and Al-'Ijlí and Al-Rakáshí the poet, and 'Ibdán and Jadím and Abu Ishák the cup companion and beheld swords drawn and the lions compassing the throne as the white of the eye encircls the black, and gilded glaives and death dealing bows and Ajams and Arabs and Turks and Daylamites and folk and peoples and Emirs and Wazirs and Captains and Grandees and Lords of the land and men of war in band, and in very truth there appeared the might of the house of Abbas and the majesty of the Prophet's family.

So he sat down upon the throne of the Caliphate and set the dagger on his lap, whereupon all present came up to kiss ground between his hands and called down on him length of life and continuance of weal. Then came forward Ja'afar the Barmecide and kissing the ground, said, "Be the wide world of Allah the treading of your feet and may Paradise be your dwelling place and the Fire the home of your foes! Never may neighbour defy you nor the lights of fire die out for you, O Caliph of all cities and ruler of all countries!" Therewithal Abu al-Hasan cried out

The Sleeper And The Waker. 13 at him and said, "O dog of the sons of Barmak, go down directly, you and the chief of the city police, to such a place in such a street and deliver an hundred dinars of gold to the mother of Abu al-Hasan the Wag and bear her my salutation. Then, go to such a mosque and take the four Shaykhs and the Imám and scourge each of them with a thousand lashes and mount them on beasts, face to tail, and parade them round about all the city and banish them to a place other than this city; and bid the crier make cry before them, saying: 'This is the reward and the least of the reward of whoever multiplies words and molests his neighbours and damags their delights and stints their eating and drinking!"' Ja'afar received the command and answered, "With obedience"; after which he went down from before Abu al-Hasan to the city and did all he had ordered him to do. Meanwhile, Abu al-Hasan abode in the Caliphate, taking and giving, bidding and forbidding, and carrying out his command till the end of the day, when he gave leave and permission to withdraw, and the Emirs and Officers of state departed to their several occupations and he looked towards the Chamberlain and the rest of the attendants and said, "Begone!"

Then the Eunuchs came to him and calling down on him length of life and continuance of weal, walked in attendance upon him and raised the curtain, and he entered the pavilion of the Harem, where he found candles lighted and lamps burning and singing women smiting on instruments, and ten slave girls, high bosomed maids. When he saw this, he was confounded in his wit and said to himself, "By God, I am in truth Commander of the Faithful!" Presently, adding, "or Perhaps these are of the Jann and he who was my guest yesternight was one of their kings who saw no way to requite my favours save by commanding his Ifrits to address me as Prince of True Believers. But an these be of the Jann may Allah deliver me in safety from their mischief!" As soon as he appeared, the slave girls rose to him and carrying him up on to the dais, brought him a great tray, bespread with the richest viands. So he ate of it with all his might and main, till he had gotten his fill, when he called one of the handmaids and said to her, "What is your name?" she replied, "My name is Miskah," and he said to another, "What is your name?"

She said, "My name is Tarkah." Then he asked a third, "What is your name?" who answered, "My name is Tohfah;" and he went on to question the damsels of their names, one after other, till he had learned the ten, when he rose from that place and removed to the wine chamber. He found it every way complete and saw within it ten great trays, covered with all fruits and cakes and every sort of sweetmeats. So he sat down and ate of it after the measure of his competency, and finding there three troops of singing girls, was amazed and made the girls eat. Then he sat and the singers also seated themselves, whilst the black slaves and the white slaves and the eunuchs and pages and boys stood, and of the slave girls some sat and others stood. The damsels sang and warbled all varieties of melodies and the place rang with the sweetness of the songs, whilst the pipes cried out and the lutes with them wailed, till it seemed to Abu al-Hasan that he was in Paradise and his heart was heartened and his breast broadened. So he sported and joyance grew on him and he bestowed robes of honour on the damsels and gave and bestowed, challenging this girl and kissing that and toying with a third, plying one with wine and morselling another with meat, till nightfall. All this while the Commander of the Faithful was diverting himself with watching him and laughing, and when night fell he bade one of the slave girls drop a piece of Bhang in the cup and give it to Abu al-Hasan to drink. So she did his bidding and gave him the cup, which no sooner had he drunk than his head forewent his feet. Therewith the Caliph came forth from behind the curtain, laughing, and calling to the attendant who had brought Abu al-Hasan to the palace, said to him, "Carry this man to his own place." So Masrur

The Sleeper And The Waker. 15 took him up, and carrying him to his own house, set him down in the saloon. Then he went forth from him, and shutting the saloon door upon him, returned to the Caliph, who slept till the morrow. As for Abu al-Hasan, he gave not over slumbering till Almighty Allah brought on the morning, when he recovered from the drug and awoke, crying out and saying, "Ho, Tuffáhah! Ho, Ráhat al-Kulúb! Ho, Miskah! Ho, Tohfah!" And he did not stop calling upon the palace handmaids till his mother heard him summoning strange damsels, and rising, came to him and said, "Allah's name encompass you! Up with you, O my son, O Abu al-Hasan! You dreamest." So he opened his eyes, and finding an old woman at his head, raised his eyes and said to her, "Who are you?" She said, "I am your mother;" and He said, "You lie! I am the Commander of the Faithful, the Viceregent of Allah." Whereupon his mother shrieked aloud and said to him, "Heaven preserve your reason! Be silent, O my son, and cause not the loss of our lives and the wasting of your wealth, which will assuredly befall us if any hear this talk and carry it to the Caliph."

So he rose from his sleep, and finding himself in his own saloon and his mother by him, had doubts of his wit, and said to her, "By God, O my mother, I saw myself in a dream in a palace, with slave girls and Mamelukes about me and in attendance upon me, and I sat upon the throne of the Caliphate and ruled. By God, O my mother, this is what I saw, and in very truth it was no dream!" Then he bethought himself awhile and said, "Assuredly, I am Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, and this that I saw was only a dream when I was made Caliph and bade and forbade." Then he bethought himself again and said, "Nay, but 'twas not a dream, and I am none other than the Caliph, and indeed I gave gifts and bestowed honour robes." his mother to him, said, "O my son, you sportest with your reason: you will go to the mad house and become a gazing stock. Indeed, that which you have seen is only from the foul Fiend, and it was an imbroglio of dreams, for at times Satan sports with men's wits in all manner of ways." Then she said to him, "O my son, was there any one with you yesternight?"

And he reflected and said, "Yes; one lay the night with me and I acquainted him with my case and told him my tale. Doubtless, he was of the Devils, and I, O my mother, even as you sayst truly, am Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a." She rejoined, "O my son, rejoice in tidings of all good, for yesterday's record is that there came the Wazir Ja'afar the Barmecide and his many, and beat the Shaykhs of the mosque and the Imam, each a thousand lashes; after which they paraded them round about the city, making proclamation before them and saying: 'This is the reward and the least of the reward of whoever fails in goodwill to his neighbours and troubls on them their lives!' And he banished them from Baghdad. Moreover, the Caliph sent me an hundred dinars and sent to salute me." Whereupon Abu al-Hasan cried out and said to her, "O ill omened crone, will you contradict me and tell me that I am not the Prince of True Believers? 'Twas I who commanded Ja'afar the Barmecide to beat the Shaykhs and parade them about the city and make proclamation before them, and 'twas I, very I, who sent you the hundred dinars and sent to salute you, and I, O beldam of ill luck, am in very deed the Commander of the Faithful, and you are a liar, who would make me out an idiot."

So saying, he rose up and fell upon her and beat her with a staff of almond wood, till she cried out, "Help, O Moslems!" And he increased the beating upon her, till the folk heard her cries and coming to her, found Abu al-Hasan bashing his mother and saying to her, "O old woman of ill omen, am I not the Commander of the Faithful? You have ensorcelled me!" When the folk heard his words, they said, "This man ravs," and doubted not of his madness. So they came in upon him, and seizing him, pinioned his elbows, and bore him to the Bedlam. the Superintendant, said, "What ails this youth?" and They said, "This is a madman, afflicted of the Jinn." "By God," cried Abu al-Hasan, "they lie against me! I am no madman, but the Commander of the Faithful." And the Superintendant answered him, saying, "None lies but you, O foulest of the Jinn maddened!" Then he stripped him of his clothes, and clapping on his neck a heavy chain, bound him to a high lattice and fell to beating him two bouts a day and two anights; and he did not stop abiding in this way the space of ten days.

The Sleeper And The Waker. 17

Then his mother came to him and said, "O my son, O Abu al-Hasan, return to your right reason, for this is the Devil's doing." He said, "You sayst truth, O my mother, and bear you witness of me that I repent me of that talk and turn me from my madness. So do you deliver me, for I am almost death." Accordingly his mother went out to the Superintendant and procured his release and he returned to his own house. Now this was at the beginning of the month, and when it ended, Abu al-Hasan longed to drink liquor and, returning to his former habit, furnished his saloon and made ready food and bade bring wine; then, going forth to the bridge, he sat there, expecting one whom he should converse and carouse with, according to his custom. As he sat thus, behold, up came the Caliph and Masrur to him; but Abu al-Hasan saluted them not and said to Al-Rashid, "No friendly welcome to you, O King of the Jánn!" Al-Rashid said, "What have I done to you?" and Abu al-Hasan, said, "What more could you do than what you have done to me, O foulest of the Jánn? I have been beaten and thrown into Bedlam, where all said I was Jinn mad and this was caused by none save yourself. I brought you to my house and fed you with my best; after which you did empower your Satans and Marids to disport themselves with my wits from morning to evening. So avaunt and aroynt you and go your ways!" The Caliph smiled and, seating himself by his side said to him, "O my brother, did I not tell you that I would return to you?" Abu al-Hasan, said, "I have no need of you; and as the byword says in verse:

'Fro' my friend, 'twere meeter and wiser to part, For what eye sees not born shall never sorrow heart.'

And indeed, O my brother, the night you came to me and we conversed and caroused together, I and you, 'twas as if the Devil came to me and troubled me that night." Asked the Caliph, "And who is he, the Devil?" and answered Abu al-Hasan, "He is none other than you;" at which the Caliph laughed and coaxed him and spoke him fair, saying, "O my brother, when I went out from you, I forgot the door and left it open and perhaps Satan came in to you." Abu al-Hasan, said, "Ask me not of that which has happened me. What possessed you to leave the door open, so that the Devil came in to me and there befell me with him this and that?" And he related to him all that had happened him, first and last (and in repetition is no fruition); what while the Caliph laughed and hid his laughter. Then he said to Abu al-Hasan, "Praised be Allah who has done away from you whatever irked you and that I see you once more in weal!" And Abu al-Hasan said, "Never again will I take you to cup companion or sitting comrade; for the proverb says, 'whoever stumbls on a stone and thereto returns, upon him be blame and reproach.'

And you, O my brother, nevermore will I entertain you nor company with you, for that I have not found your heel propitious to me." But the Caliph coaxed him and said, "I have been the means of your winning to your wish anent the Imam and the Shaykhs." Abu al-Hasan replied, "You have;" and Al-Rashid continued, "And Perhaps somewhat may happen which shall gladden your heart yet more." Abu al-Hasan asked, "What do you require of me?" and the Commander of the Faithful answered, "truly, I am your guest; reject not the guest." Abu al-Hasan, said, "On condition that you swear to me by the characts on the seal of Solomon, David's son (on the twain be the Peace!),that you will not suffer yours Ifrits to make fun of me." He replied, "I hear and I obey!" Whereupon the Wag took him and brought him into the saloon and set food before him and entreated him with friendly speech. Then he told him all that had befallen him, whilst the Caliph was like to die of stifled laughter; after which Abu al-Hasan removed the tray of food and bringing the wine service, filled a cup and cracked it three times, then gave it to the Caliph, saying, "O boon companion mine, I am your slave and let not that which I am about to say offend you, and be you not vexed, neither do you vex me." And he recited these verses:

"Hear one that wills you well! Lips none shall bless Save those who drink for drunk and all transgress.

The Sleeper And The Waker. 19

never will I cease to swill while night falls dark Till lout my forehead low upon my tasse: In wine like liquid sun is my delight Which clears all care and gladdens allegresse."

When the Caliph heard these his verses and saw how apt he was at couplets, he was delighted with exceeding delight and taking the cup, drank it off, and the twain did not stop to converse and carouse till the wine rose to their heads. Then Abu al-Hasan to the Caliph, said, "O boon companion mine, of a truth I am perplexed concerning my affair, for meseemed I was Commander of the Faithful and ruled and gave gifts and largesse, and in very deed, O my brother, it was not a dream." the Caliph, said, "These were the imbroglios of sleep," and crumbling a bit of Bhang into the cup, said to him, "By my life, do you drink this cup;" and said Abu al-Hasan, "Surely I will drink it from your hand." Then he took the cup and drank it off, and no sooner had it settled in his stomach than his head fell to the ground before his feet. Now his manners and fashions pleased the Caliph and the excellence of his composition and his frankness, and he said in himself, "I will assuredly make him my cup companion and sitting comrade." So he rose directly and saying to Masrur, "Take him up," returned to the palace. Accordingly, the Eunuch took up Abu al-Hasan and carrying him to the palace of the Caliphate, set him down before Al-Rashid, who bade the slaves and slave girls compass him about, whilst he himself hid in a place where Abu al-Hasan could not see him.

Then he commanded one of the hand maidens to take the lute and strike it over the Wag's head, whilst the rest smote upon their instruments. So they played and sang, till Abu al-Hasan awoke at the last of the night and heard the symphony of lutes and tambourines and the sound of the flutes and the singing of the slave girls, whereupon he opened his eyes and finding himself in the palace, with the hand maids and eunuchs about him, exclaimed, "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! Come to my help this night which meseems more unlucky than the former! Truly, I am fearful of the Madhouse and of that which I suffered within it the first time, and I doubt not but the Devil is come to me again, as before. O Allah, my Lord, put you Satan to shame!" Then he shut his eyes and laid his head in his sleeve, and fell to laughing softly and raising his head bytimes, but still found the apartment lighted and the girls singing. Presently, one of the eunuchs sat down at his head and said to him, "Sit up, O Prince of True Believers, and look on your palace and your slave girls."

Abu al-Hasan said, "Under the veil of Allah, am I in truth Commander of the Faithful, and do you not lie? Yesterday I rode not forth neither ruled, but drank and slept, and this eunuch comes to make me rise." Then he sat up and recalled to thought that which had happened him with his mother and how he had beaten her and entered the Bedlam, and he saw the marks of the beating, wherewith the Superintendant had beaten him, and was perplexed concerning his affair and pondered in himself, saying, "By God, I know not how my case is nor what is this that betids me!" Then, gazing at the scene around him, he said privily, "All these are of the Jann in human shape, and I commit my case to Allah." Presently, he turned to one of the damsels and said to her, "Who am I?" She said, "You are the Commander of the Faithful;" and He said, "You lie, O calamity! If I be indeed the Commander of the Faithful, bite my finger." So she came to him and bit it with all her might, and he said to her, "It does suffice." Then he asked the Chief Eunuch, "Who am I?' and he answered, "You are the Commander of the Faithful."

So he left him and returned to his wonderment: then, turning to a little white slave, said to him, "Bite my ear;" and he bent his head low down to him and put his ear to his mouth. Now the Mameluke was young and lacked sense; so he closed his teeth upon Abu al-Hasan's ear with all his might, till he came near to sever it; and he knew not Arabic, so, as often as the Wag said to him, "It does suffice," he concluded that he said, "Bite like a vice," and redoubled his bite and made his teeth meet in the ear, whilst the damsels were diverted from him with hearkening to the singing girls, and Abu al-Hasan cried out for succour from the boy and the Caliph lost his senses for laughter. Then he dealt the boy a cuff, and he let go his ear, whereupon all present fell down with laughter and said to the little Mameluke, "Art mad that you bitest the Caliph's ear in this way?" And Abu al-Hasan cried to them, "Suffics you not, O you wretched Jinns, that which has befallen me? But the fault is not yours: the fault is of your Chief who transmewed you from Jinn shape to mortal shape. I seek refuge against you this night by the Throne verse and

The Sleeper And The Waker. 21 the Chapter of Sincerity and the Two Preventives!" So saying the Wag put off his clothes till he was naked, with prickle and breech exposed, and danced among the slave girls. They bound his hands and he wantoned among them, while they died of laughing at him and the Caliph swooned away for excess of laughter. Then he came to himself and going forth the curtain to Abu al-Hasan, said to him, "Out on you, O Abu al-Hasan! You slay me with laughter." So he turned to him and knowing him, said to him, "By God, 'tis you slay me and slay my mother and slewest the Shaykhs and the Imam of the Mosque!" After which he kissed ground before him and prayed for the permanence of his prosperity and the endurance of his days. The Caliph at once robed him in a rich robe and gave him a thousand dinars; and presently he took the Wag into especial favour and married him and bestowed largesse on him and lodged him with himself in the palace and made him of the chief of his cup companions, and indeed he was preferred with him above them and the Caliph advanced him over them all.

Now they were ten in number, to wit, Al-'Ijli and Al-Rakáshi and 'Ibdán and Hasan al-Farazdak and Al-Lauz and Al-Sakar and Omar al-Tartís and Abu Nowas and Abu Ishak al-Nadím and Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, and by each of them hangs a story which is told in other than this book. And indeed Abu al-Hasan became high in honour with the Caliph and favoured above all, so that he sat with him and the Lady Zubaydah bint al-Kasim, whose treasuress Nuzhat al-Fuád called, was given to him in marriage. After this Abu al-Hasan the Wag abode with his wife in eating and drinking and all delight of life, till whatever was with them went the way of money, when he said to her, "Harkye, O Nuzhat al-Fuad!" she said, "At your service;" and he continued, "I have it in mind to play a trick on the Caliph and you will do the like with the Lady Zubaydah, and we will take of them at once, to begin with, two hundred dinars and two pieces of silk." She rejoined, "As you willest, but what think you to do?" And he said, "We will feign ourselves dead and this is the trick. I will die before you and lay myself out, and do you spread over me a silken napkin and loose my turban over me and tie my toes and lay on my stomach a knife and a little salt.

Then let down your hair and betake yourself to your mistress Zubaydah, tearing your dress and slapping your face and crying out. She will ask you, What ails you?' and do you answer her, 'May your head outlive Abu al-Hasan the Wag; for he is dead.' She will mourn for me and weep and bid her new treasuress give you an hundred dinars and a piece of silk and will say to you, 'Go, lay him out and carry him forth.' So do you take of her the hundred dinars and the piece of silk and come back, and when you returnest to me, I will rise up and you will lie down in my place, and I will go to the Caliph and say to him, 'May your head outlive Nuzhat al-Fuad, and rend my raiment and pluck out my beard. He will mourn for you and say to his treasurer, 'Give Abu al-Hasan an hundred dinars and a piece of silk.' Then he will say to me, 'Go; lay her out and carry her forth;' and I will come back to you." Therewith Nuzhat al-Fuad rejoiced and said, "Indeed, this is an excellent device." Then Abu al-Hasan stretched himself out directly and she shut his eyes and tied his feet and covered him with the napkin and did whatever her lord had bidden her; after which she tare her gear and bared her head and letting down her hair, went in to the Lady Zubaydah, crying out and weeping.

When the Princess saw her in this state, she cried, "What plight is this? What is your story and what makes you weep?" And Nuzhat al-Fuad answered, weeping and loud wailing the while, "O my lady, may your head live and may you survive Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a; for he is dead!" The Lady Zubaydah mourned for him and said, "Alas, poor Abu al-Hasan the Wag!" And she shed tears for him awhile. Then she bade her treasuress give Nuzhat al-Fuad an hundred dinars and a piece of silk and said to her, "O Nuzhat al-Fuad, go, lay him out and carry him forth." So she took the hundred dinars and the piece of silk and returned to her dwelling, rejoicing, and went in to her spouse and acquainted him what had befallen, whereupon he arose and rejoiced and girdled his middle and danced and took the hundred dinars

The Sleeper And The Waker. 23 and the piece of silk and laid them up. Then he laid out Nuzhat al-Fuad and did with her as she had done with him; after which he rent his raiment and plucked out his beard and disordered his turban and ran out nor ceased running till he came in to the Caliph, who was sitting in the judgment hall, and he in this plight, beating his breast. The Caliph asked him, "What ails you, O Abu al-Hasan?" and he wept and answered, "Would heaven your cup companion had never been and would his hour had never come!" The Caliph, said, "Tell me your case:" and Abu al-Hasan, said, "O my lord, may your head outlive Nuzhat al-Fuád!" The Caliph exclaimed, "There is no god but God;" and smote hand upon hand. Then he comforted Abu al-Hasan and said to him, "Grieve not, for we will bestow upon you a bed fellow other than she." And he ordered the treasurer to give him an hundred dinars and a piece of silk. Accordingly the treasurer did what the Caliph bade him, and Al-Rashid said to him, "Go, lay her out and carry her forth and make her a handsome funeral."

So Abu al-Hasan took that which he had given him and returning to his house, rejoicing, went in to Nuzhat al-Fuad and said to her, "Arise, for our wish is won." at this she arose and he laid before her the hundred ducats and the piece of silk, at which she rejoiced, and they added the gold to the gold and the silk to the silk and sat talking and laughing each to other. Meanwhile, when Abu al-Hasan fared forth the presence of the Caliph and went to lay out Nuzhat al-Fuad, the Commander of the Faithful mourned for her and dismissing the divan, arose and betook himself, leaning upon Masrur, the Sworder of his vengeance, to the Lady Zubaydah, that he might condole with her for her hand maid. He found her sitting weeping and awaiting his coming, so she might condole with him for his boon companion Abu al-Hasan the Wag. So he said to her, "May your head outlive your slave girl Nuzhat al-Fuad!" And she said, "O my lord, Allah preserve my slave girl! May you live and long survive your boon companion Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a; for he is dead." The Caliph smiled and said to his eunuch, "O Masrur, truly women are little of wit. in God's name, say, was not Abu al-Hasan with me but now?" the Lady Zubaydah, said, laughing from a heart full of wrath, "Will you not leave your jesting? Suffics you not that Abu al-Hasan is dead, but you must put to death my slave girl also and bereave us of the twain, and style me little of wit?"

The Caliph answered, "Indeed, 'tis Nuzhat al-Fuad who is dead." And the Lady Zubaydah said, "Indeed he has not been with you, nor have you seen him, and none was with me but now save Nuzhat al-Fuad, and she sorrowful, weeping, with her clothes torn to tatters. I exhorted her to patience and gave her an hundred dinars and a piece of silk; and indeed I was awaiting your coming, so I might console you for your cup companion Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, and was about to send for you." The Caliph laughed and said, "None is dead save Nuzhat al-Fuad;" and she, "No, no, good my lord; none is dead but Abu al-Hasan the Wag." With this the Caliph grew wroth, and the Háshimí vein started out from between his eyes and throbbed: and he cried out to Masrur and said to him, "Fare you forth to the house of Abu al-Hasan the Wag, and see which of them is dead." So Masrur went out, running, and the Caliph said to the Lady Zubaydah, "Will you lay me a wager?" And she said, "Yes, I will wager, and I say that Abu al-Hasan is dead." Rejoined the Caliph, "And I wager and say that none is dead save Nuzhat al-Fuad; and the stake between me and you shall be the Garden of Pleasance against your palace and the Pavilion of Pictures."

So they agreed upon this and sat awaiting Masrur's return with the news. As for the Eunuch, he did not stop running till he came to the by street, in which was the stead of Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a. Now the Wag was comfortably seated and leaning back against the lattice, and chancing to look round, saw Masrur running along the street and said to Nuzhat al-Fuad, "It seems to me the Caliph, when I went forth from him dismissed the Divan and went in to the Lady Zubaydah, to condole with her;

The Sleeper And The Waker. 25 whereupon she arose and condoled with him, saying, 'Allah increase your recompense for the loss of Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a!' And he said to her, 'None is dead save Nuzhat al-Fuad, may your head outlive her!' She said, ' 'Tis not she who is dead, but Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, your boon companion.' And He said, 'None is dead save Nuzhat al-Fuad.' And they grew so obstinate that the Caliph became wroth and they laid a wager, and he has sent Masrur the Sworder to see who is dead. Now, therefore, 'twere best that you lie down, so he may sight you and go and acquaint the Caliph and confirm my saying." So Nuzhat al-Fuad stretched herself out and Abu al-Hasan covered her with her mantilla and sat weeping at her head. Presently, Masrur the eunuch suddenly came in to him and saluted him, and seeing Nuzhat al-Fuad stretched out, uncovered her face and said, "There is no god but God! Our sister Nuzhat al-Fuad is dead indeed. How sudden was the stroke of Destiny! Allah have ruth on you and acquit you of all charge!" Then he returned and related what had passed before the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah, and he laughing as he spoke. "O accursed one," cried the Caliph, "this is no time for laughter! Tell us which is dead of them."

Masrur re plied, "By God, O my lord, Abu al-Hasan is well, and none is dead but Nuzhat al-Fuad." the Caliph to Zubaydah, said, "You have lost your pavilion in your play," and he jeered at her and said, "O Masrur, tell her what you saw." the Eunuch, said, "truly, O my lady, I ran without ceasing till I came in to Abu al-Hasan in his house and found Nuzhat al-Fuad lying dead and Abu al-Hasan sitting tearful at her head. I saluted him and condoled with him and sat down by his side and uncovered the face of Nuzhat al-Fuad and saw her dead and her face swollen. So I said to him, 'Carry her out immediately, so we may pray over her.' He replied, "Tis well'; and I left him to lay her out and came here, that I might tell you the news." The Prince of True Believers laughed and said, "Tell it again and again to your lady Little wits." When the Lady Zubaydah heard Masrur's words and those of the Caliph she was wroth and said, "None is little of wit save he who believs a black slave." And she abused Masrur, whilst the Commander of the Faithful laughed: and the Eunuch, vexed at this, said to the Caliph, "He spoke truth who said, 'Women are little of wits and lack religion: "

Then said the Lady Zubaydah to the Caliph, "O Commander of the Faithful, you sportest and jestest with me, and this slave hoodwinks me, the better to please you; but I will send and see which of them be dead." And he answered, saying, "Send one who shall see which of them is dead." So the Lady Zubaydah cried out to an old duenna, and said to her, "Hie you to the house of Nuzhat al-Fuad in haste and see who is dead and loiter not." And she used hard words to her. So the old woman went out running, whilst the Prince of True Believers and Masrur laughed, and she did not stop running till she came into the street. Abu al-Hasan saw her, and knowing her, said to his wife, "O Nuzhat al-Fuad, It seems to me the Lady Zubaydah has sent to us to see who is dead and has not given credit to Masrur's report of your death: accordingly, she has despatched the old crone, her duenna, to discover the truth. So it behoves me to be dead in my turn for the sake of your credit with the Lady Zubaydah." at this he lay down and stretched himself out, and she covered him and bound his eyes and feet and sat in tears at his head. Presently, the old woman came in to her and saw her sitting at Abu al-Hasan's head, weeping and recounting his fine qualities; and when she saw the old trot, she cried out and said to her, "See what has be fallen me! Indeed Abu al-Hasan is dead and has left me lone and lorn!"

Then she shrieked out and rent her raiment and said to the crone, "O my mother, how very good he was to me!" The other, said, "Indeed you are excused, for you were used to him and he to you." Then she considered what Masrur had reported to the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah and said to her, "Indeed, Masrur goes about to cast discord between the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah." Asked Nuzhat al-Fuad, "And what is the cause of discord, O my mother?" and the other replied, "O my daughter, Masrur came to the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah and gave them news of you that you were dead and that Abu al-Hasan was well." Nuzhat al-Fuad said to her,

The Sleeper And The Waker. 27

"O naunty mine, I was with my lady just now and she gave me an hundred dinars and a piece of silk; and now see my case and that which has befallen me! Indeed, I am bewildered, and how shall I do, and I lone, and lorn? Would heaven I had died and he had lived!" Then she wept and with her wept the old woman, who, going up to Abu al-Hasan and uncovering his face, saw his eyes bound and swollen for the swathing. So she covered him again and said, "Indeed, O Nuzhat al-Fuad, you are afflicted in Abu al-Hasan!" Then she condoled with her and going out from her, ran along the street till she came in to the Lady Zubaydah and related to her the story; and the Princess said to her, laughing, "Tell it over again to the Caliph, who makes me out little of wit, and lacking of religion, and who made this ill omened liar of a slave presume to contradict me." Masrur, said, "This old woman lies; for I saw Abu al-Hasan well and Nuzhat al-Fuad it was who lay dead." the duenna, said," 'Tis you that lie, and would glad cast discord between the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah."

And Masrur cried, "None lies but you, O old woman of ill omen and your lady believs you and she must be in her dotage." Whereupon the Lady Zubaydah cried out at, him, and in very truth she was enraged with him and with his speech and shed tears. Then said the Caliph to her, "I lie and my eunuch lies, and you lie and your waiting woman lies; so 'tis my advice we go, all four of us together, that we may see which of us tells the truth." Masrur said, "Come, let us go, that I may do to this ill omened old woman evil deeds and deal her a sound drubbing for her lying." And the duenna answered him, "O dotard, is your wit like unto my wit? Indeed, your wit is as the hen's wit." Masrur was incensed at her words and would have laid violent hands on her, but the Lady Zubaydah pushed him away from her and said to him, "Her truth speaking will presently be distinguished from your truth speaking and her leasing from your leasing." Then they all four arose, laying wagers one with other, and went forth a foot from the palace gate and went on till they came in at the gate of the street where Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a dwelt. He saw them and said to his wife Nuzhat al-Fuad, "truly, all that is sticky is not a pancake they cook nor every time shall the crock escape the shock. It seems the old woman has gone and told her lady and acquainted her with our case and she has disputed with Masrur the Eunuch and they have laid wagers each with other about our death and are come to us, all four, the Caliph and the Eunuch and the Lady Zubaydah and the old trot."

When Nuzhat al-Fuad heard this, she started up from her outstretched posture and asked, "How shall we do?" whereto he answered, "We will both feign ourselves dead together and stretch ourselves out and hold our breath." So she hearkened unto him and they both lay down on the place where they usually slept the siesta and bound their feet and shut their eyes and covered themselves with the veil and held their breath. Presently, up came the Caliph, Zubaydah, Masrur and the old woman and entering, found Abu al-Hasan the Wag and wife both stretched out as dead; which when the Lady saw, she wept and said, "They did not stop to bring ill news of my slave girl till she died, me thinks Abu al-Hasan's death was grievous to her and that she died after him." the Caliph, said, "You will not prevent me with your prattle and prate. She certainly died before Abu al-Hasan, for he came to me with his raiment rent and his beard plucked out, beating his breast with two bits of unbaked brick, and I gave him an hundred dinars and a piece of silk and said to him, Go, bear her forth and I will give you a bed fellow other than she and handsomer, and she shall be in stead of her. But it would appear that her death was no light matter to him and he died after her; so it is I who have beaten you and gotten your stake." The Lady Zubaydah answered him in words galore and the dispute between them grew sore. At last the Caliph sat down at the heads of the pair and said, "By the tomb of

The Sleeper And The Waker. 29 the Apostle of Allah (whom may He save and assain!) and the sepulchres of my fathers and forefathers, whoever will tell me which of them died before the other, I will willingly give him a thousand dinars!" When Abu al-Hasan heard the Caliph's words, he sprang up in haste and said, "I died first, O Commander of the Faithful! Here with the thousand dinars and acquit you of yours oath and the swear you sworest." Nuzhat al-Fuad rose also and stood up before the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah, who both rejoiced in this and in their safety, and the Princess chid her slave girl. Then the Caliph and Zubaydah gave them joy of their well being and knew that this death was a trick to get the gold; and the Lady said to Nuzhat al-Fuad, "You should have sought of me that which you neededst, without this fashion, and not have burned my heart for you." And she, "truly, I was ashamed, O my lady." As for the Caliph, he swooned away for laughing and said, "O Abu al-Hasan, you will never cease to be a wag and do peregrine things and prodigious!"

He said, "O Commander of the Faithful, this trick I played off for that the money which you gave me was exhausted, and I was ashamed to ask of you again. When I was single, I could never keep money in hand; but since you marriedst me to this damsel, if I possessed even your wealth, I should lay it waste. Why when all that was in my hand was spent, I wrought this sleight, so I might get of you the hundred dinars and the piece of silk; and all this is an alms from our lord. But now make haste to give me the thousand dinars and acquit you of yours oath." The Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah laughed and returned to the palace; and he gave Abu al-Hasan the thousand dinars saying, "Take them as a douceur for your preservation from death," whilst her mistress did the like with Nuzhat al-Fuad, honouring her with the same words. Moreover, the Caliph increased the Wag in his solde and supplies, and he and his wife did not stop to live in joy and contentment, till there came to them the Destroyer of delights and Severer of societies, the Plunderer of palaces, and the Garnerer of graves.